Thursday, June 18, 2009

Even Napoleon had Waterloo

Today, June 18th way back in 1815, Napoleon fought his last battle- The Battle of Waterloo. Napoleon was a great man, his actions shaped Europe for much of the 19th century. To some extent, I admire him- really. Well I have had times that I was going undefeated like Napoleon, or the energizer bunny, if you wish. Then I slow down look behind, at my plunder, and still emptiness! I take on the world like I'm trying to prove a point then I realize I'm not impressing anyone. That's how I feel right now. I'm a little bit of a show off believe it or not, and even when I'm living my life quietly, I want people to notice that I'm doing that. pathetic, right? Maybe I'll change, there's no telling.
I'm finally facing my Waterloo. haha. yes I am. I don't know what to do with myself, I'm at the end of my road and I thought things would be much clearer now but nope, they aren't. I'm my most confused now, where is my life going. "I'm gonna pray about it and ask Divine guidance" I tell myself on occasion, but I end up worrying myself sick! And you know how much I suck at asking for help. It takes a lot, and I really don't wanna ask for help with this.
Then I remember that I'm still single. arrrgh! Annoying, seriously. I was chatting with one of my friends on facebook, then he suggested someone for me. Someone he thought would be good for me. The whole time I was chatting and asking him about this guy I as thinking, "I'm so confused right now, so undecided that I wouldn't wanna be with me." Yes, it's that bad. So I haven't heard form this guy and usually i would have been on my friends case asking him to tell the guy to call me. But I'll just sit this one out, maybe when he gets around to calling, I'll have figured things out. And be a better "phone friend". Another thing, I don't want a relationship, ok ok, I want one but I'm not in a good place in my life to have one. I'm a mess- YUCK!
Quoting from one of my favorite songs 'even the best fall down sometimes', the song by Pink -Vietnam also explains things -'this is my Vietnam, I'm at war. Life keeps on dropping bombs and I keep score.'

Finally facing my Waterloo. But I will not take a bow just yet!

Kisses :-*