Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Are you beautiful?

Hello there. You certainly didn't think I deserted you! No no I did not. I'm here. Just took a long break coz things are getting so busy with school. Men I cannot wait to be done. Time is running fast.

A lot has happened lately. Oh something exciting! you know I like to make crafts right? So for Halloween I was Cleopatra of Egypt. I was particularly proud of the costume which was all homemade! Thanks to my being broke! Anyway I'll post a picture. It was amazing. We had a work party at my boss's house like we always do, and my theme (together with a colleague) was Egyptian. He was a mummy. We won (not like it means anything much) the most accurately portrayed theme. We were committed to playing the part. Good job! (pat on the back).

So last Sunday I went to an adult Sunday School class that is being offered at my church. It has been running for like three weeks now but I never could make it until some friends of mine convinced me that I would like it. The class was good- I don't regret going at all. We talked about doubt.

Well the topic resonated with me because I have experienced doubt in my life in more than one occasion, mostly when I turned my back to God and thought that I could do it on my own. I shared with the class how faithful I was on depending on God until I came to the US and suddenly, if I worked hard, I was entitled to good rewards! No that's not the way it worked for me before. See I would work so hard my fingers hurt, and that did not mean anything! not at all. I still had to pray to The Almighty for help as if I had not put in the work. As I was sharing, I realized that that is what I was doing wrong and I made a point of repenting earnestly to Him. I'll work hard and remember to always acknowledge Him in all my ways. I should make Proverbs 3:5-6 my motto.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

So anyway, other things came to mind on Sunday. I was thankful for the blessings that God has given me in my life. I was especially thankful to him for the opportunities that He has afforded me. And Also my boyfriend. Yes, we're still dating even though he is miled away;) I still love him.

So it got me thinking... I know, I don't think much and when I do it's not good. Right? kidding!

So, my question (to self) was, when did I realize that life is not all about partying, having a good time, dating the most attractive person you meet (not that mine is not attractive. He is- physically and inward) and being the envy of every superficial girl? When did I stop being superficial, when did I start seeing the big picture?

I used to think and even fantasize about going out with the most attractive man on the planet. The man I chose to rule my fantasies was Dylan Mcdermott. He was and still is sexy. But when I came back to reality, I fantasized about dating the neighbors kid. The light skin, clean shaven one.

If I knew I'd grow up and value good human relationships, I would not have cried my eyes out when that very handsome boy broke my heart. That one that every girl wanted to have and I felt extra special when he chose me. Do girls who are doing that now know that those beautiful men are jerks most of the time and have nothing to offer? No skills at all, cannot hold a conversation to save their lives? I lost a lot of precious time with this kind. Sadly.

I was watching a music video on youtube by some rising musical stars from Kenya- 'Just a Band'. In one of their videos, there's this really handsome guy, kinda beautiful in some way. For a moment I was in the 'zone' once again and I thought that I would love to have him. He is super good looking!

There was a time when such guys gave me the goose bumps, seriously. I wanted one of these but no, they did not look at girls like me. They went for those who offered much more than I could (read HOES). So when I got one, in my 20s I was on top of the world. I knew other girls liked or even loved him, but he chose me! Life was good. I like dto think that there was something special that he had seen in me and that is why he chose me. My 'high' didn't last for long, because I was one of many girls that he was seeing.

Back to the Youtube video guy...
What he does most, even in the 3 minute video, is play on his phone. I'm not sure whether he is texting or has some important e mail...nah, probably facebook stalking.

See that would drive me nuts if I was with him. And hat snapped me out of 'the zone'. I was thankful that I was with someone with whom I can have a conversation and I know he is listening.
Then the guy goes to a bus stop to wait for the bus. There's a beautiful girl also at the stop. Does he talk to her, even say good morning? NO! It was disappointing. I know it's a video, but it happens in real life. He totally checked her out but didn't say hi. It's like he is waiting for her to make the first move. Pitiful, just pitiful.
I have noticed that with attractive people- the ones that know that they are, they don't invest their time in developing a personalities. You know what I say to them? "You best get a personality soon coz your face won't last forever". Harsh? nah, It's perfect :)

Well I went off on a tangent there. So I remembered that I was vain, I was superficial, I was selfish. I'd like to think that I have grown out of that, and I'm happy that I have.